Tomorrow is Burns Night

Tae A Fart.

Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts tae stir an enormous win'.



The neeps 'n' tatties 'n' mushy peas
Sterts workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi' the sauncie face
Will hae ye blawin' a' ower the place.



Nae maiter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet
oot a rifle.



Hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try an' stop the leakin' air
Shift yersel' fae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek!



But aw yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom.



God almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry.



A'body roon aboot me chokin'
Wan or twa are nearly boakin'
A'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.



Wis him! A shout wi' accusin' glower
Alas too late, he's jist keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome ony mair.



Where e'er ye be let yer wind gang free
Sounds like jist the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbies party
Ower the sake o' wan wee farty.
(Anonymous)